I am Selfish

Here we are a day before Christmas and I am reflecting upon my character and self worth. (In no way is this a self-deprecating post or a shout out for attention; it is simply self-reflection and observation) Usually this time of year I have gone above and beyond to provide everyone in my life a small gift. Nothing huge, but something small, a card, something handmade or baked to show my appreciation of having them in my life. Not this year.

I also try to give at least once to a charity or someone in need around this time of the year.  Sometimes we purchase gifts for a special needs resident through our work, or donate to someone whose Christmas is not as lucky as ours. Again, not this year.

I’m guilty.  I am utterly guilty of not caring to do much for anyone other than my immediately family this year. It does, in a way make me feel like a terrible person. Then again, who says that I must go above and beyond with giving?!  Perhaps this comes from society and how we have inflated the holiday season. It’s like tipping; these days you are expected to tip everyone, everywhere that you go. What happened to it being part of your job to service the public. Now people are looking for a reward or a gift from everyone. There is an expectation that we have set, I have set for myself to give above and beyond. It’s not entirely a bad thing, but I also don’t think I should feel so bad for not meeting that expectation, right?

I am just selfish. I am a selfish person. It’s not just the holiday season, but all the time, in general, I’m a pretty self-centered person.  I do have moments where I may reflect a kind hearted, caring person but those are just a glimmer in the overall picture. I wasn’t always so selfish.  I remember being a young lady and caring and giving and loving. But eventually you get burned. After a few times, you learn not to get so close to the fire and eventually you just avoid all those situations. You grow colder and hard; you no longer feel emotions or empathy like you used to.

I was also a theater kid; want to talk about selfish? Everyone is looking out for themselves. It’s a popularity contest. How do I look? How do I sound? What did they think of me?  I was never really great at the game. I always wanted to be recognized for working hard and giving a great performance; it didn’t get me far. If anything stuck with me from that life it was the need to be in the spotlight. Oh, and how to pour your emotions into a musical soliloquy with adequate subtext. Selfish.

I can pretty much sum up the majority of my activities to being selfish. Kind of like this blog thing 🙂  and of course my outfit selfies!  Let’s talk about one of these! I have been feeling the LulaRoe love! I’m trying to find creative ways to incorporate my LLR pieces into my extensive wardrobe. The LulaRoe patterns are so strong and vibrant that these pieces are perfect for pattern mixing.  My pattern mixing game has definitely become more frequent, if not a daily occurrence. Sometimes I have mixed 3 patterns without even knowing it!

Family Photo 2015

I purchased this beautiful Julia dress to wear for our fall family photos. The Julia is basically a really long tee shirt; at least that is what it feels like. It is soft and comfortable like most LLR items are, but it is very form fitting.  For plus size gals this dress is a hit or a miss.  It hugs all your curves!  You either flaunt it with self-confidence, or you don’t like this dress at all. Personally I think it’s worth a try! I would recommend sizing up for comfort.  This specific Julia is an XL but I prefer a 2XL because it’s not as clingy to my tummy! I will say that my Julia seemed to loosen a little more after it was washed, but not so much that I would buy a smaller size.

While this dress is gorgeous on its own with the fall colors and geometric print, I wanted to try layering it.  I have worn it as a pencil skirt by wearing a sweater on top!

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This time I wore the dress as a blouse by layering one of my A-line skirts over it.  The skirt is brown and cream stripes which are a small pattern in comparison to the Julia’s bold geometrics.

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It has been extremely warm here in Pittsburgh so I have not been accessorizing my outfits with my extensive scarf collection quite yet.  I am still getting great use out of these Old Navy cardigans that I purchased in the spring! I chose to wear my peach cardigan even though this exact peach color is not in either the Julia or the skirt.  BUT there is orange! And peach is basically a pastel of the orange family 🙂 so it goes well!  Of course, I wanted to add a little vintage flare with my beautiful rhinestone acorn brooch!

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If you know me, or you don’t know me, just be aware that most of the time everything is about ME (or my kid!). I’m working on it….I guess. Mostly because it makes me look like a prick sometimes….. but then again, I’m really just doing it for my self-image.  ha!